Goin' home.....
Four days, 'til the something like 47 hour nightmare flight home.
I have been dreaming of cheese.
And all-purpose flour.
And asparagus . (there is asparagus here, but at a buck a spear it might as well not be here)
And so many other common and boring items that have come to be so meaningful for me.
I am dreaming of reading a newspaper, going to a bookstore and browsing.
Eating Mexican food.
Watching Larry King. Or just staring at the tv, mindless channel flipping with the remote. Watching others yell at their kids.
So we are finishing up the 1st leg of our life in Japan. I have to say, it was incredibly shaky at first.
I learned a lot about myself, some of it not so good.
I really had no idea that I was so fearful. There is a giant chicken inside of me that I didn't know existed. I don't really ever experience fear, back in Golden Colorado.
Life is nice. Life is as easy as it can be, with 4 kids...but when I came here and pretty much had to re-learn how to do everything, all with a baby in my arms, it was so intimidating. I was waiting for that intimidation to go away, but it just seemed new and bigger challenges came at me 100 mph every day. I cannot learn so much, all at once.
One of the biggest fears was driving. And getting lost. Or hitting someone. You cannot let your mind wander off of which side of the road you are supposed to be on for even a moment....Week after week consumed with a heightened sense of anxiety is just awful. Many times I thought to myself--"how can I get out of this.... with the least amount of pain--especially for Ira"?
Well, just too many contracts had been signed.
The wind is gonna blow. What am I going to do. Collapse?
Go home, and then what? Admit to all my friends and myself that I just couldn't take it? I tell you I was ready to do just that. It didn't help that Ira was never afraid to do anything. It made me look even more like a wuss. I thought a lot about my mom, living down in Costa Rica years ago, with a maid in the house that was stealing from her, and other troubles and misadventures.
I really don't know how I overcame it. There wasn't a big moment of enlightenment.
I remember walking home from somewhere one day, realizing that I started to feel this itty bitty sense of contentment and happiness inside of me. My shoulders felt lighter.
So, long live the fearful chicken that exists in me, just be a chicken that can fight every now and again, ok?
Here is Kevin and his class.
He is in the back row, far left.
Ira here -Katrina's waxing poetic about the mundanities she's looking forward to reminded me of one little crystalization of priorities that hit me after we settled. I realized that more than missing having a tv set in our bedroom, I missed having a full range of Tupperware sizes to choose from when cleaning up the kitchen after dinner. (C'mon guys, admit it - you take special pride in knowing exactly which one to choose.)
I have been dreaming of cheese.
And all-purpose flour.
And asparagus . (there is asparagus here, but at a buck a spear it might as well not be here)
And so many other common and boring items that have come to be so meaningful for me.
I am dreaming of reading a newspaper, going to a bookstore and browsing.
Eating Mexican food.
Watching Larry King. Or just staring at the tv, mindless channel flipping with the remote. Watching others yell at their kids.
So we are finishing up the 1st leg of our life in Japan. I have to say, it was incredibly shaky at first.
I learned a lot about myself, some of it not so good.
I really had no idea that I was so fearful. There is a giant chicken inside of me that I didn't know existed. I don't really ever experience fear, back in Golden Colorado.
Life is nice. Life is as easy as it can be, with 4 kids...but when I came here and pretty much had to re-learn how to do everything, all with a baby in my arms, it was so intimidating. I was waiting for that intimidation to go away, but it just seemed new and bigger challenges came at me 100 mph every day. I cannot learn so much, all at once.
One of the biggest fears was driving. And getting lost. Or hitting someone. You cannot let your mind wander off of which side of the road you are supposed to be on for even a moment....Week after week consumed with a heightened sense of anxiety is just awful. Many times I thought to myself--"how can I get out of this.... with the least amount of pain--especially for Ira"?
Well, just too many contracts had been signed.
The wind is gonna blow. What am I going to do. Collapse?
Go home, and then what? Admit to all my friends and myself that I just couldn't take it? I tell you I was ready to do just that. It didn't help that Ira was never afraid to do anything. It made me look even more like a wuss. I thought a lot about my mom, living down in Costa Rica years ago, with a maid in the house that was stealing from her, and other troubles and misadventures.
I really don't know how I overcame it. There wasn't a big moment of enlightenment.
I remember walking home from somewhere one day, realizing that I started to feel this itty bitty sense of contentment and happiness inside of me. My shoulders felt lighter.
So, long live the fearful chicken that exists in me, just be a chicken that can fight every now and again, ok?
Here is Kevin and his class.
He is in the back row, far left.
Ira here -Katrina's waxing poetic about the mundanities she's looking forward to reminded me of one little crystalization of priorities that hit me after we settled. I realized that more than missing having a tv set in our bedroom, I missed having a full range of Tupperware sizes to choose from when cleaning up the kitchen after dinner. (C'mon guys, admit it - you take special pride in knowing exactly which one to choose.)
posted by Katrina at
7:47 PM
1 Comments:
Great blog! You brought back my memories of our two years in Curacao. Everything there was in Dutch. newspapers, television (Dutch and Spanish-even the Superbowl: I'll never forget the announcer saying, "Mucho Grande Hombre" every few minutes."
The stores were in Dutch or Papiamento (a local language) and to cope I would go around at night looking in the windows to see what they were selling. And the groceries: Lisa loved sprinkles on her toast. I don't know how may aisles I walked up and down in to find a box. No one understood what I wanted. And one day I spent the whole, hot day looking for a bale of "rags." It was nutty. When I go back now I am only amused and oh so suave as I look for things I now know how to find.
And talk about accidentally insulting someone: I once asked a fellow next to me in a bar if he was GERMAN!! I thought he was going to hit me. Instead he demeaned me and every other American citizen and during his tirade he threw in MacDonalds and Disneyworld as well.
I had thought that what with this being your second trip through Japan that you might have been more acclimated -- ah, but four children (one a baby) makes a big differece, eh?
You'll have many laughs over the rest of your life if you are still married after this...
We'll talk when you get home.
Love you all. (Hi kids!)
ps. I probably told you all this before so try to remember and understand that I am turning 77 in a week from today.
Love, Uncle Don
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